Originally Posted at FrumSatire

Traif is a new restaurant that says it is going to celebrate pork and shellfish and I find it really funny, some of you may find it sad that a Jewish guy is opening up a restaurant devoted to his favorite foods which happen to be the farthest from kosher you can possibly get, but I just find it hilarious and anyone who eats vegetarian out can’t go there and try some of that left wing modern orthodox funny stuff because everything is Traif @ Traif.

Thanks to the first commenter I decided to add what I would do if I were to open a mamish Traif restaurant.

Heshy Fried has decided to open the worlds first all Traif Restaurant:

Featuring favorites such as non-bodek lettuce, unchecked strawberries in a non-mevushel vinaigrette.

We even have cholov yisroel hard cheese made from rennet.

Be sure to check out the weekly mothers milk specials – including kid goat cooked in mothers milk and roast brisket of beef cooked like bubbe used to make it with the added flavor of cholov yisroel milk.

We have pas yisroel and yoshon flour, don’t worry someone took challah but it was baked on shabbos by Jews.

Our Salad bar features many choices of unchecked leafy greens that are sure to add crunch with all those invisible bugs that we didn’t wash off.

Our water is unfiltered even though we are located in Brooklyn where the infestation happened.

Those blood spots in your omelet add a real flavor.

We bet you never had glatt kosher pork before, all the mooms and chalev has been removed.

Chassidishe shechita filet minion.

A full desert menu featuring triangle-K favorites such as little debbie cakes, wonder bread french toast and motts applesauce.

All of our wine is non-mevushal and we make sure to have idol worshipers open the bottles and look at the wine before it’s served.

A mashgiach temidi is on hand to make sure our products are as traif as possible – he is a certified apikorus, kofer and one of the last remaining believers of Shabetai Tzvi.