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It Gets Better

October 7, 2015 by Patrick Beaulier

glbtsmall

 

Click here and take the pledge and help spread our message of hope. It Gets Better.

THE PLEDGE: Everyone deserves to be respected for who they are. I pledge to spread this message to my friends, family and neighbors. I’ll speak up against hate and intolerance whenever I see it, at school and at work. I’ll provide hope for lesbian, gay, bi, trans and other bullied teens by letting them know that “It Gets Better.”

Filed Under: Community Member Blogs, LGBTQ & Women, Podcasts & Videos, Random (Feelin' Lucky?), Rants, Your Questions Answered Tagged With: advocate, bible, bisexual, dan savage, gay, gay jewish, homosexuality judaism, intersex, it gets better, itgetsbetter, Jewish, Judaism, lesbian, lgbt, punktorah, queer, Religion, support, synagogue, Torah, transgender

Jewish and Queer…and holding the Tension

February 23, 2011 by Patrick Beaulier

As my title suggests, I’m Jewish and queer. Well, more specifically, I’m a trans-masculine, gender queer, queer community organizer. I’m also a Midwestern, Ashkenazi Jew who was raised in a reform, Zionist household. Without going into everything, it’s fair to say I often haven’t felt comfortable bringing my multi-layered self to these communities. Yet while these communities have been uncomfortable, I’ve also continued to stay at least marginally engaged in these spaces.

Here’s a highlighted example of this tension, circa 2004:

Less than a semester into my new life as a Freshman at the University of Wisconsin in Madison, a queer-friendly college town with only a small, somewhat insular Jewish community, I decided to go home to Milwaukee, WI to spend the high holidays at my home congregation – this was an important part of my annual ritual of connecting with my Jewish identity and community. My parents reserved tickets at our huge Reform congregation in the suburbs. To make sure that we’d get seats near the choir and the bimah, it was my job to rush to the front of the rope-barricaded mass of Jews waiting for the early service to let out.

As I moved to the front of the line, I recognized some of the parents of kids I’d grown up with and Hebrew School teachers who were friends of my parents. But as I turned to meet their eyes and wish them a happy new year, I realized that many of them didn’t recognize me. I had recently cut my hair in a masculine style (it was one of the first things I did after leaving home to go to school). I was also dressed in slacks and a sweater vest with a collared shirt. I was expecting to connect with my community, but instead, I developed a ton of anxiety over the idea that I would have to “out” myself in order to connect with people. Instead, I put my head down and waited for my parents to join me in line.

Of course, when they arrived, my parents had to “catch up” with everyone else in line. The first time my mom turned to an old family friend and re-introduced me as her daughter, I slumped my shoulders in to hide my chest and swept my bangs into my eyes in my embarrassment. This happened repeatedly. To my relief, some recognized me and welcomed me back home with a hug. Others asked me if I was a freshman in high school (since we all knew I looked like a nice, Jewish pre-pubescent boy). I always wondered if they would try to set me up with their nice, Jewish grand-daughters, but my mom was always quick to clarify that I was a girl and that I was in college. The rest of the pre-service schmoozing seemed to revolve around upcoming marriages, those who were having babies, and who was entering into law/medical school – these were expected rights of passage in our community. Although I was en route to getting my bachelor’s degree, I felt like I was masquerading as being part of the community.

I understand that many of us have felt tension between the way we see ourselves, the way we want to live and being validated members of our communities and families. So when our Jewish Organizing Initiative Fellowship class was trained on the concept of holding tension in one of our latest sessions, I had no trouble finding significance in this theoretical discussion that focused on how/why we stay engaged with our somewhat contradictory truths and values. There’s a reason why I continue to seek out spaces that are both familiar and rooted in the things I’ve come to appreciate and love. But until moving across country and building networks, I had neither access to these communities nor the knowledge that they even existed.

Because of this, it’s been really hard to feel included in Jewish spaces (especially those with more rigid gender roles and expectations). Many Jewish communities have been wonderful in reaching out to Jewish gays and lesbians by including more gender neutral language and by officiating same-sex marriages. But where do queer, bisexual, and transgender members or others who may not be interested in marriage or nuclear families fit into these Jewish communities?

Likewise, in GLBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender) spaces, I continue to advocate for the visibility and inclusion of gender non-conforming voices and perspectives. As important as it is to push for GLBT rights in a broad sense, it’s always been difficult for me to feel included with GLBT communities that continue to understand sex, gender, and sexuality as dichotomies: Am I male/female or gay/straight? What about the options, “none of the above” or “a mixture of the listed identities?” As someone who identifies as gender queer and queer, advocating for the inclusion of dichotomous, GLBT identities in non-GLBT communities has never really cut it for me. So how am I able to work within communities in which I continue to be a minority voice among marginalized identities?

One thing that has really helped me is finding other folks who are visible and are creating more space for others who don’t always have a space. For me, one pivotal person was Katz, a trans and queer spoken word artist, of Athens Boys Choir. I’ve also connected with a network of gender queer advocates who have helped frame discussions of gender variance beyond male/female and broader ideas on queering gender performance/perception/visibility. My friend, Jac, continues to do amazing advocacy through midwest genderqueer. Keshet and Trans Torah have also helped me find adapted queer, Jewish community and practices while also revealing the more subtle queerness within Judaism.

While I’ve found much of what I’ve been looking for in Boston, my goal is to make these resources, ideas, and communities even more readily available and present nationwide. Other Midwestern, Queer, gender-variant Jewish folks shouldn’t have to move across the country to be part of communities where they can bring their whole selves.

Pen Bruskin is a Jewish Organizing Initiative Fellow working at Keshet and living in Jamaica Plain, MA. He is fierce, queer, and gender-fabulous!

Filed Under: LGBTQ & Women, Random (Feelin' Lucky?) Tagged With: convert to judaism, convert to judaism online, darshan yeshiva, Gender Queer, idea, Jewish, Jewish communities, Keshet, online conversion, patrick "aleph" beaulier, patrick aleph, punktorah, queer, rabbi beaulier, rabbi patrick aleph beaulier, rights of passage

PunkTorah Radio: The Times, They Are A-Changing…

January 4, 2011 by Patrick Beaulier

This week is part one of a talk with a good friend of ours, Rabbi Menachem Cohen of Mitztiut and The Night Ministry. Check it out! And take a look at his community if you are in the Chicago area!

PunkTorah Radio: The Times, They Are A-Changing…

Also, subscribe using iTunes here!

Filed Under: Community Member Blogs, Jewish Media Reviews, Podcasts & Videos, Random (Feelin' Lucky?), Your Questions Answered Tagged With: convert to judaism, Counterculture, darshan yeshiva, glbt, homeless, independent, Jewish, Jews, Judaism, patrick "aleph" beaulier, patrick aleph, punktorah, queer, rabbi beaulier, rabbi patrick aleph beaulier, rebel, Religion, Torah

Parshat Sh’mot Slideshow Extravaganza!

December 22, 2010 by Patrick Beaulier

A little something different this week. Enjoy!

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3P9Bu-tkyk

Filed Under: Community Member Blogs, Jewish Text (Torah/Haftarah/Talmud), Podcasts & Videos, Your Questions Answered Tagged With: bible, christianity, exodus, gay, gay judaism, islam, Jewish, Judaism, lesbian, Moses, Parsha, parshah, parshat, prophet, punktorah, queer, Religion, Sh'mot, shemot, shul, synagogue, tattoo, Torah, transgender

Queer Jew, Punk Torah

April 21, 2010 by Patrick Beaulier

Hello, my name is Lucas, and I’m a queer Jew.

I spent a ton of time struggling with my spiritual identity because I was struggling with my personal identity, growing up in the punk scene was awesome, but there was an overabundance of machismo and a severe lack of respect for anyone who was a pussy, or believed in G-d, or worse… both. The thing is, I didn’t give a shit about religion during my teen years. I called myself “spiritual”, but that’s as far as it went. Sure, I’d blown shofar, braided challah and lived through a ton of hippy Passover meals involving sage smudging (long story), but I didn’t feel as if I had a specific spiritual or religious identity. I didn’t feel Jewish, and that’s about all I knew.

I mean I knew I liked plenty of stuff. I knew I liked cheap beer, hanging out with my friends, going to see bands play, zines, and sleeping past noon. And as much as I fit in with my friends, I was always the odd man out. I was the only gay person I knew, and I didn’t fit the stereotype of a “gay man”, so it was hard to accept myself as such. Punk was the only personal identifier I had in my arsenal and it fit well enough for a while. The word felt safe and all encompassing to me, I clung to it and used it to distract everyone away from the fact that I liked dudes.

I wouldn’t talk about it with most of my friends. A few select people knew, but I was very secretive about it. My punk identity was raucous and aggressive, with an attitude as bad as my teen acne. It was easy for me to hide and even easier to tell myself that who I dated wasn’t anyone’s business, but really that was just an easy way for me to say, “I’m scared that if you knew, you’d treat me differently.” I didn’t want people to make snap judgments on who I was or what my personality characteristics were based on my sexual identity.

I seem to lack all of the positive traits from the gay stereotype, I’m unkempt and can’t dress myself, and that only helps me fly under the radar, like the gayest stealth jet ever. To this day, when a Rabbi asks me if I have a girlfriend I freeze in terror, merely mouthing the words “Nope, no… girlfriend”. In my head reciting my mantra, “No no, I lay with men in a totally different way then I’d lay with women, I swear”. (Trust me on that one)

It wasn’t until I was about 22 that I started talking to my friends about it, and then it wasn’t until I was 25 years old that I finally admitted to my family that I was “gay”. They took it as well as anyone would who had just been ambushed, and somehow I had ambushed myself as well. I felt raw and powerless. So I did what any good punk does, I packed my backpack, and got on the next plane to Europe.

While in Amsterdam I found myself at a “Queer Punk” music fest. I looked around and saw all these people with tattoos, fucked up haircuts, and the same poor hygiene I recalled from my teen punk days. I saw people wearing band t-shirts I recognized, an overwhelming sea of crusty black clothing, and instantly I felt at home. This was who I was, and they had experienced what I had experienced. They were punks too, punks who also didn’t fit the category of “gay”. In protest they called themselves “queer”, and really, what’s more punk than a protest? Seriously.

By the time I had come home I felt like I had allowed myself to really start learning who I was but the more I learned about myself, the more I noticed this emptiness. Gradually as I got more comfortable within my own skin, I was getting pretty good at translating what my body/brain was trying to tell me. And all I was hearing was “dude, go to synagogue”, and who am I to question a handsome young gentleman. So I went. And suddenly there it was, a connection overwhelmingly and completely undeniable. My Jewish identity had somehow remained frozen, in stasis, but every Shabbat the defrost button was pressed and I quickly fell back into studying and reading and strengthening my connection. Weekly minyan, Shabbatlucks, young Jew groups… it all started to come together for me.

Jews I’ve met, queer or otherwise, wonder how I can go to Shul, pray, wear kippah and identify as a queer person and a Jew at the same time. They ask how I can have an honest connection to Hashem, or just how I can be religious at all. I don’t flinch; I never had that knee-jerk agnostic reaction that a lot of people in my generation seem to harbor towards faith or religion. And I had never felt something so strong, or so real as I did with my connection to Hashem and to Judaism. This connection I have, it tells me that Hashem is cool with me. He’s on my side and has got my back. That’s not the kind of shit you ignore, so I don’t, and I won’t. This is how I live and who I am, it’s not wool and linen, it’s queer and Jew.

I don’t care about the other shit anymore, I try my hardest not to care what other peoples opinions of me are, I don’t care that I am this crazy tattooed, homo in a yarmulke sitting by himself at Shul with a bunch of older people and families as my only Jewish community, because even if I am there by myself, I feel so tuned in. I have found myself, and although it might not have been a smooth journey, at least it was an honest one, with only nominal amounts of self-deprecation.

When I finally admitted to myself that I was queer it opened up a lot of doors for me. Being honest with myself and about myself was really fucking scary because I wasn’t used to feeling so exposed. I strongly believe that my faith and connection to Judaism really grounded me. And now I’m totally comfortable in the fact that I’m what your mother would call “a nice Jewish boy”, even if I listen to my records too loud, have too many tattoos, cuss like it’s going out of style, and well… date dudes. It’s the struggle G-d wants, not perfection.

Filed Under: LGBTQ & Women, Random (Feelin' Lucky?), Rants Tagged With: convert to judaism, convert to judaism online, Counterculture, darshan yeshiva, Jewish, Jews, Judaism, patrick "aleph" beaulier, patrick aleph, Punk, punktorah, queer, queer jews, rabbi beaulier, rabbi patrick aleph beaulier, rebel, Religion, Torah

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