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DIY PVC Pipe Sukkahs and PunkTorah Retro-Sukkot Videos…It’s A Succos Showdown!

September 28, 2015 by Patrick Beaulier

It’s Sukkot, which means building the ancient Hebrew version of the double wide trailer, probably going to the emergency room when you whack your hand with a hammer, and of course, eating!

Here at PunkTorah, we have all your Sukkot needs taken care of with our Succos Showdown!

Here’s a retro-video of me and Michael building a wood sukkah.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVoAC1asxk4

Of course, you are going to need food. Sukkot recipes abound in our food blog, NewKosher. Try the Pumpkin Au Gratin Soup…it’s delicious.

Of course, we’d love to see YOUR sukkah and Sukkot recipes, so email us your stuff and we’ll post it!

Filed Under: NewKosher (Recipes), Sukkot Tagged With: cheap sukkah, convert to judaism, convert to judaism online, darshan yeshiva, diy sukkah, online conversion, patrick "aleph" beaulier, patrick aleph, punktorah, pvc sukkah, rabbi beaulier, rabbi patrick aleph beaulier, succos, succus, sukkot, sukkot recipes

HaShem’s Avatars: Sukkot, Shemini Atzeret and Simchat Torah

September 28, 2015 by Patrick Beaulier

While Shavuot probably deserves the title of Least Appreciated Jewish Holiday among progressive Jews, I’d also like to argue that the trifecta of Sukkot, Shemini Atzeret and Simchat Torah is probably a close second. Sure, some people do the sukkah, but I don’t exactly see my neighbors sleeping in them. Plus, when your sukkah has air conditioning and wifi, you’re probably not roughing it like the Sages taught.

Whatever. People do sukkot on Shabbat and that’s maybe it.

Fast forward to the end of the holiday, and we have this nonsense day called Shemini Atzeret, a day of assembly. No one knows what that’s about, and by now we all have a chagim hangover and are ready to stop being Jewish until Hanukkah season roars its ugly head. Shemini Atzeret ends up on the proverbial dusty bookshelf next to all those Artscroll books people claim they read but don’t.

Then Simchat Torah comes around. Now if you’re part of the Chabad or Young Jewish Professionals crowd, then Simchat Torah is your jam. Because as we all know, Simchat Torah means booze and nightclub parties. It’s like Purim but without the costumes and the pre-game fasting.

If you’re a parent, Simchat Torah can be fun because in mainline progressive synagogues, they always give the little kids stuffed sefer torah and parade around the shul. Though there are some parents I wish were secretly hiding flasks because they might be a little less stressed out.

If you didn’t catch all that, here’s a graphic representation of the feeling of ruach people have about Judaism during this season…

ruach chart

So Rabbi, why should I care about Shemini Atzeret and Simchat Torah? Don’t you realize that I am completely overwhelmed by Judaism right now, and all I really want is to eat shrimp wrapped in bacon and dream of a life that doesn’t resemble Fiddler on the Roof?

OK, fair enough. But here’s another thought.

I think the Jewish tradition’s understanding of holidays is part of what makes the religion unique. Yes, every culture has holidays. But we have a lot, and no holiday is ever given second class citizenship. For most holidays, we have the same level of work restriction as our holiest holiday, Shabbat. That’s a big deal, because Shabbat is a big deal. Think of it this way: you don’t drag out the fancy china for any regular old meal. Similarly, you don’t drag out all the work restrictions, creative customs and dietary laws for any old boring, meaningless holiday.

So why does the Jewish community have such a strong passion for chag? I think it’s because in a sense, our holidays represent different aspects of God’s personality. Every generation senses God in a different way, and that’s possible because God is infinite. But during certain times in history, other aspects of God’s personality appear hidden. I think that the holidays give us an opportunity to see different “faces” of God. And in the case of the end of our festive season, we get to see God through the lens of impermanence (Sukkot), through the lens of God’s love for a gathered people (Shemini Atzeret) and through complete and utter joy (Simchat Torah).

Filed Under: Sukkot Tagged With: convert to judaism, convert to judaism online, darshan yeshiva, online conversion, patrick "aleph" beaulier, patrick aleph, punktorah, rabbi beaulier, rabbi patrick aleph beaulier, shemini atzeret, shmeni atzeres, simchat torah, sukkot

Pumpkins: The Secret to Sukkot

September 28, 2015 by newkosher

Sukkot is coming up, and autumn for us is all about the noble pumpkin.

Pumpkin is a squash originating from America. Squash was unknown in Europe until 1492 when Columbus returned. The word squash is of Algonquin origin, a Native American language. Hard shell, mature, yellow-fleshed varieties like turban, acorn and pumpkin often referred to as winter squash. Pumpkins are rich in vitamin A, potassium, calcium and phosphorous.

Here’s three great pumpkin treats (two dairy, one parve) that everyone will love. All recipes serve four, so edit accordingly.

CREAM OF PUMPKIN SOUP AU GRATIN

4 cups milk
3 potatoes cut in wedges
4 cups chopped pumpkin
1 tsp sage
½ cup cream
2 tbs parmesan cheese
salt and pepper to taste

Bring milk and 1 ½ cups water to a boil. Add potatoes, pumpkin and sage, season with salt and pepper, cook for 40 minutes on medium heat. Puree. Stir in cream and reheat. Sprinkle with cheese (optional) nutmeg could be used instead. Serve hot.

PUMPKIN WITH ROSEMARY

2 tbs olive oil
2 garlic cloves
11/2 pounds thinly sliced pumpkin
¾ cups white wine
11/2 tsp fresh rosemary finely chopped
salt and pepper

Heat oil, add garlic and pumpkin, cook over medium heat, stirring occasionally. Remove garlic cloves. Pour in wine, lower heat and simmer until tender. Season with salt and pepper and sprinkle with rosemary. Continue to cook a few minutes more and serve.

MUSHROOMS WITH PUMPKIN

2 tbs each margarine and olive oil
1 onion thinly sliced
21/2 cups pumpkin diced
11/2 pounds mixed mushrooms cut in thick slices
2/3 cup vegetable stock
3 tbs chopped flat leaf parsley
1 tsp oregano

Heat margarine and oil, add onion, Cook over low heat for 5 minutes. Add pumpkin and mushrooms, increase heat and cook for a few minutes. Season with salt and pepper. Lower heat, pour in heated stock and cook until tender. Stir in parsley and oregano and serve.

Filed Under: NewKosher (Recipes), Sukkot Tagged With: chopped pumpkin, convert to judaism, convert to judaism online, cream of pumpkin soup, darshan yeshiva, fall recipes, how to serve pumpkin, mushrooms with pumpkin, online conversion, patrick "aleph" beaulier, patrick aleph, pumpkin, pumpkin bisque, punktorah, rabbi beaulier, rabbi patrick aleph beaulier, roasted pumpkin, sukkot recipes

Haazinu: Music In The Message (Deut 32:1 – 32:52)

September 21, 2015 by Jeremiah

In Parsha Haazinu Moses recites the song he scribed in the previous portion. He knows his life and his life’s work is at an end and as a parting song Moses recites words that act as an indictment of the ancient Hebrew’s sins, words that foretell punishment for future sins, and words that reassure them of Hashem’s love and redemption.

Why a song after writing down the Torah? Simple, literacy was not as prevalent then as it is today and lyrics have a way of burrowing themselves deep into the conscious mind. I often wake up humming a tune I heard the previous night or quietly sing to myself the same verse of a song over and over again throughout the day. Whether one finds having a song stuck on repeat in his/her head as annoying or not the fact he/she is conscious of those words and their meaning is important.

In Haazinu [Read more…]

Filed Under: Community Member Blogs, Jewish Text (Torah/Haftarah/Talmud) Tagged With: Circle Pit The Bimah, convert to judaism, convert to judaism online, darshan yeshiva, Deuteronomy, jeremiah, Moses, online conversion, Parsha Haazinu, patrick "aleph" beaulier, patrick aleph, punktorah, rabbi beaulier, rabbi patrick aleph beaulier

Has Anyone Seen My Kavanah?

September 8, 2015 by Patrick Beaulier

i-dont-know

Okay, here’s the thing: while I typically possess the organizational skills of an ant with OCD, over this past year my every attempt at organization has been confounded. I believe that this is due, in large part, to my lifestyle becoming increasingly nomadic; and my resistance to this. In an effort to both conserve space and travel lightly, I was forced to consolidate my possessions down to the bare necessities (I mean, I was only able to take, like, ten to twelve pairs of shoes with me. In my world this is nearly equivalent to a social crisis.). Consequently, when high holy days crept up behind me, placed its hands over my eyes, and whispered, “guess who?” I was completely caught off guard. To say I was ill prepared for the most important holidays on the Hebrew calendar would be like saying Henry Ford was a bit put off by the Jews; or that the Middle East has one or two small issues. Shifting into seat-of-my-pants, headless-chicken mode, under which I had been operating to a much greater extent lately, I tried to remember where I had stored the things I would need for the days of awe. More specifically, I wondered when I had last seen my kavanah. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term kavanah, it is a Hebrew word meaning intention or direction of the heart and describes the state of mind one should be in while praying.

Oy gevalt! Was my Kavanah in mothballs somewhere? Where on Earth had I put it? I searched through every closet and box, finding nothing but half-finished projects and mementos of broken vows and unfulfilled oaths. I started to sweat until I remembered that I had already nullified my vows and oaths during Yom Kippur the previous year. Baruch HaShem! At least I didn’t have that to worry about. Also, I distinctly remembered having my Kavanah with me since that time. So where did I put it? Did I leave it at the shul among the prayer shawls and kippot that are provided for those who don’t have them? Perhaps it was buried deep within my storage unit, in the box containing my white Yom Kippur clothes? I was at a complete loss.

Feeling like a complete shmuck, I thought that perhaps I might skip high holy days services this year; then no one would have to know about my lost kavanah. Except that I had already requested, and was granted, a ticket for all of the services for a very meager donation. Even though I attend synagogue services sporadically, at best, the people at this shul have been very good to me, and never make me feel like the village schnorrer (beggar) that I actually am. And once again, by granting me a ticket at a ridiculously generous discount, they were extending the hand of tzedakah to me. No, not attending services was not an option. I needed some advice. In the past, when faced with an untenable situation, I typically asked myself how my dad would advise me in a given scenario. In this instance, I was sure he would have told me to “suit up and show up.” Okay…good…I could do that…probably.

When the first day of Rosh Hashanah arrived, I suited up, showed up, and listened to the beautifully plaintive call of the shofar. Even though I did my best to stay anonymous amidst the sea of people, the rabbi noticed me and proffered, along with his warm greeting, an invitation to the break-the-fast dinner that takes place at the conclusion of Yom Kippur. I accepted the invitation graciously, and hoped my nervous smile didn’t betray me. I wondered if he would have extended the invitation if he had known that my kavanah was still MIA? Sh*t! Where the f@#* was my f@#*ing kavanah? Since I had 10 days until I really needed it, I went home and promptly forgot all about it. You can imagine my horrified shock when I woke up one morning to find Yom Kippur staring me straight in the face.

Bugger! Bugger! Bugger! No kavanah in sight, and my white Yom Kippur clothes were still buried somewhere in the depths of my storage unit. I would have to wing it. In keeping with my decidedly punk personality, I made the ironic choice to wear all black.

I mean:
A) I had plenty of black clothes
B) Hell, I even had black canvas sneakers
C) Being the one black dot in a sea of white is sort of my shtick.

Once I had suited up, I went to the Kol Nidre service for the showing up portion of the evening. Guess who wasn’t with me? That’s right; Ms. Kavanah apparently had a better party to attend. The evening service passed more slowly than the line at the DMV; and the service on the following morning was even slower (it’s not like I could hide my kindle inside my Machzor; there were too many people in attendance. But I totally thought about it). It was all I could do to not run screaming to the nearest exit. That afternoon, as I was heading back to the shul for the concluding service of Neilah, I began to despair of ever seeing my kavanah again. It was during the final moments of Yom Kippur that I became really desperate; and as the gates of Heaven started to close I prayed feverishly, pleading to be written in the book of life. Suddenly, I saw something flutter in my peripheral vision. When I turned to look, guess who was sitting there looking oh-so-convivial? Yup…it was my kavanah. I was so relieved to see her that I decided I could wait until the service was over to discuss the (ahem) problem.

When the service concluded I quietly requested a word with her outside. Once we were out of earshot of the other congregants I turned on her angrily. “Where the hell have you been?” I demanded, “I’ve been looking everywhere for you since before Rosh Hashanah! You sure picked a fine time to disappear. If I don’t get written in the book of life this year, and I die, I am so taking you with me!” She looked at me as though I had lost my mind (and since I was subjecting abstract concepts, like kavanah, to anthropomorphism, perhaps I had). “Nu?” I asked her impatiently, “What do you have to say for yourself?” She contemplated for a moment and then spoke. “Wait,” she began, “you don’t actually think that I’m something that can be carelessly misplaced and forgotten, do you? Like a book or car keys?” Then under her breath she said, “And you think I’m a flake?”

Did I think that? Did I think she was like other commonplace items that are easily misplaced? She looked at me then; looked directly into my eyes, searching expectantly for contrition that wasn’t there. “You are too much!” she said, clearly exasperated. “I can’t believe I have to explain this to you. Um, I actually live inside of you!”.

Okay, that was hurtful.

”Here’s the problem. I can’t engage unless you engage me.” It was at that precise moment that it dawned on me: she was right. It wasn’t until I became desperate enough to try that she appeared. I mean, sure, suiting up and showing up is all well and good; but because I had convinced myself that kavanah was something that existed separately from me, I didn’t even try. I had been faithless and foolish. I did, however, learn something that day: the Creator has endowed each of us with plenty of kavanah. However, in order to engage it we must also have faith; and sadly, faith is in much shorter supply.

Written by Shoshana H. Hogue

Filed Under: Judaism & Belief, Random (Feelin' Lucky?), Rants, Rosh Hashanah, Shabbat & Holidays, Yom Kippur Tagged With: convert to judaism, convert to judaism online, darshan yeshiva, online conversion, patrick "aleph" beaulier, patrick aleph, punktorah, rabbi beaulier, rabbi patrick aleph beaulier, Shoshana H. Hogue

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