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D'var Torah for April Fool's Day

April 1, 2010 by Patrick Beaulier

April Fools Day completely baffles historians. We have no idea where it came from, what its original purpose was, or why it so infectiously spread through the Western World.

There’s speculation that it came from calendar changes: a “fool” being someone who kept the previous culture’s calendar instead of adopting the new one. There’s also a theory that April Fools Day is a rite of spring, a renewal holiday where people delight in all the behavior that they normally cannot indulge in during the rest of the year, like Mardi Gras, for example.

Nevertheless, April Fools Day persists without serving any real purpose. No one “needs” April Fools Day. I know I can go without a day of watching my back as my “friends” find many, varied and unusual ways of torturing me.

April Fools Day is a meme: a cultural idea passed on because it sticks to us so well. April Fools Day is fun, creative and silly. And I love it.

There are a lot of things in Judaism that spark the same “W-T-F” nerve in my brain as April Fools Day. First, tefillin. These weird black boxes and leather straps look like a Chassidic S&M tools. I understand the expression “bind as a sign” on your arm and between your eyes, but you would think the rabbis of the Talmud would have come up with something a lot less dirty looking!

How about the Sukkot etrog? Here’s a weird idea: let’s create a Thanksgiving holiday where a random piece of lemon-esque fruit has to hang in a hut for a week. It’s another one of those Jewish “what were they thinking” moments that I revel in.

When I think about all the silly traditions that I live by, I pause and wonder how I can look at myself in the mirror and say, “now there’s a rational human being”. But you know what? I don’t care how strange any of this seems to anyone. I like all the pointless, meaningless rituals in my life, because that’s what is great about being human. While the rest of the animal kingdom is simply trying to “get by”, our brains and abundance allow us the time to “piddle around” and do strange things like wrap ourselves in leather straps or gaze lovingly at the “fruit of the beautiful tree.”

So go ahead and enjoy April Fools Day. It’s another one of these silly things that makes you remember why it’s awesome to be alive. And when you remember why it’s fun to be alive, you might think about who gave you life, and what you should do with it.

Filed Under: Jewish Text (Torah/Haftarah/Talmud), Random (Feelin' Lucky?) Tagged With: April Fool's Day, convert to judaism, convert to judaism online, Counterculture, darshan yeshiva, holiday, Jewish, Jews, Judaism, online conversion, patrick "aleph" beaulier, patrick aleph, Punk, punktorah, rabbi beaulier, rabbi patrick aleph beaulier, Religion, Torah

I Love Pesach

March 31, 2010 by Patrick Beaulier

(Originally Posted On FrumSatire)

By Heshy Fried

I absolutely love long Jewish holidays like Pesach. I know that many folks can’t wait for it to be over, whenever someone says that on shabbos I want to smack them, you can’t talk about such holiness like shabbos and say that you want it over with already – why are you keeping shabbos if you hate it and don’t believe in it’s healing properties? But Pesach heartache is understandable, people just can’t go that long without pizza, can they? I surely can (I haven’t had milchigs in 2 months, I miss it dearly), yes it’s a royal pain to eat overpriced chocolate bars for energy on long distant hikes and bike rides, but I deal and I love Pesach in all of its 8 days of glory. I also work for a company that gave me off for all of Pesach, I could understand the pain that people have when they have to use up all of their vacation days for Jewish holidays, although they might want to have the thought that they wouldn’t have that job unless God wanted them to and therefore God knew they would have to give up their vacation days willingly to please him.

I used to hate the seder, I think it could be better, probably because most people don’t really do the seder right, they tell technical divrei torah which have nothing to do with telling the story of leaving Egypt and then they sing traditional songs while the people who can read super fast go about it on their own. I guess I wish sedarim were a bit more interactive and actually did make children ask question – because I have seen that maybe twice, it seems that children only ask questions because in yeshiva they tell you that children are supposed to ask questions.

Think about it, the story of the Jews leaving Egypt is probably the most kick-ass story in biblical Judaism, Chanukah, Shavuos and Purim don’t come close to Pesach, they don’t have as much action going down. I like to think that the story of the Jews leaving Egypt starts with the story of Yosef and his brothers, which could be made into a movie, simply amazing the drama of that story. Then the pharaoh getting all hard on the Jews, flip flopping his political views kind of like Obama on Israel and then we build the pyramids which are super cool, although using babies as stones isn’t cool. The plagues, holy crap people, I can’t believe that during the seder, the attention of the plagues is lost on a little dabbing of wine and proclaiming the plagues – we should talk about this stuff, it’s super cool and everyone out of yeshiva doesn’t talk about it for 2 months leading up to Pesach.

What I really want to know is what other plagues were there? I always hear about these midrashim that say there were a slew of plagues besides for the ten biggies. Did everyone’s clothing burn up in the middle of the marketplace forcing everyone to walk back home naked? Did the camels start eating people? Maybe they ran out of parking spots and everyone had to circle their camels for days just to find one.

“Let My People Go” is probably the most bad-ass line in the whole torah, it’s not even made up, it’s right there in the scripture, not some Charleton Heston line. Did you ever think about the fact that pretty much everyone was black in Egypt, wasn’t Moshe Rabeinu black, that means everyone was way cooler than we can even imagine.

The splitting of the sea, that alone is enough to excite any scientist into explaining the prevailing winds and how they must have blown hard enough to split the sea. I do love how non-believing scientists have tried to explain how splitting of the sea were possible in a book they view as mythological, do their endowments and grants fund mythological explorations? I remember sitting in ninth grade learning about how any Jew could reach into the water and pull out whatever they wanted, I was sitting in class daydreaming about walking on the sea bed, chugging a mountain dew that I had just pulled out of the wall of water and thinking about which Ben and Jerrys flavor I wanted to pull out next, as I was day dreaming I was wondering if the ground was muddy and if the Jews were all wearing Tevas or Birkenstock sandals.

I also look forward to Peach because to me it’s like having a bunch of shabbosim in a row. I know a lot of people don’t like the whole shabbos chol hamoid thing because they want to be able to hit p as many Boro Park carnivals, Lipa Schmeltzer shows and kosher circuses as possible. I wonder if the “things to do on pesach sections” in those free community advertisement books they have in heimishe establishments are cut down this year, although they usually include the same things every year. I can sum it up for you, you can go to the Liberty Science Center, Ellis Island, The Tenement Museum, The Museum of Natural History and Uncle Moishes Carnival on 13th avenue and 44th street.

Pesach has a shorter less physically intensive davening than succos, although I still love succos and it’s my favorite holiday for obvious reasons (outdoors nut and honey on challah lover here) I still like Pesach for its length, one of the reasons I dislike shavuos and Rosh Hashanah are their lack of length, the first day is always warm up and by the time you’re in spiritual high mode everyone’s making havdalah, I know that both Shavuos and Rosh Hashanah have the days leading up to them that are supposed to put us in that frame of mind – but I need a little more starting time. Of course Pesach has starting time because of shabbos hagadol (where I was this shabbos doesn’t even have shul on shabbos afternoon) and cleaning my car and apartment for chometz got me in the Pesach frame of mind hey isn’t that a Billy Joel song?

I am not one for spending holidays with family, mostly because my family lives in a place I find kills my spiritual state and makes me hate being religious, except before my dad got remarried and I would take him with me to my friends houses. Actually one of the things I dread about marriage is falling in love with a girl from a place that I don’t care for. The last two years I did Pesach with one of my best buds in Denver, he would set up all the meals so that we could get the best food and company at the same time – I am the same way with meal settings, there is a lot of detail that goes into spending shabbos or a holiday somewhere, it’s never simple. This year I am staying in Northern California and looking forward to my first two days in San Francisco, and the last two days in the Sierra Nevada near Tahoe where I plan to try out my hand at gold panning.

Filed Under: Passover, Random (Feelin' Lucky?), Shabbat & Holidays Tagged With: darshan yeshiva, exodus, food, frumsatire, holiday, Holidays, Jewish, Jews, Judaism, kosher, Moses, Passover, patrick "aleph" beaulier, patrick aleph, Pesach, punktorah, rabbi patrick aleph beaulier, Religion, Torah

Happy Passover! Chag Sameach!

March 26, 2010 by Patrick Beaulier

On Passover, we celebrate G-d taking us out of slavery: the birth of our Peoplehood.

We are a diverse people. Different nationalities, races, gender and sexual identities, family backgrounds and ways of expressing our Judaism.

Every month, thousands of people come to PunkTorah.com to invigorate their life with relevant Jewish education, culture and spirituality. We work tirelessly to create a place where Jews and non-Jews alike can grow in the spirit of the Jewish tradition.

The full time staff at PunkTorah works every day to create a place where our diversity is celebrated; where Jewish spirituality is NOT about MAKING YOU become something. Instead, we help to include all people in this great, spiritual family.

With join us in creating the future of Judaism by contributing generously to our Passover fund raising drive.

Thank you, and have a wonderful, Happy Passover!

Filed Under: Rants Tagged With: charity, Counterculture, darshan yeshiva, exodus, festival, holiday, Jewish, Jews, Judaism, patrick "aleph" beaulier, patrick aleph, prayer, Punk, punktorah, rabbi patrick aleph beaulier, Religion, Torah, tzedakah

It's Punk Rock to be Wicked

March 25, 2010 by Patrick Beaulier

(YentaPunker)

Hurry and clean the bread out of your homes! Quick! Those bagels are about to become the very link to your own personal disconnect with Hashem. What? No bagels? That’s fine, a breakfast burrito or some pancakes will do. Yeah, right! Welcome to Passover! Carbohydrates in some of their best forms become sinful thoughts for eight days.

For two nights (the two seders), we find ourselves surrounded by family and friends. For some, it’s a joy. For many, it’s a challenge. For few, it may be the only Jewish experience we have all year. The way we handle our Judaism can also be compared to the four sons mentioned in the Haggadah. The four sons are: the wise (“Chacham” in Hebrew) , the simple (or lazy, “Tam” in Hebrew), the wicked (“Rasha” in Hebrew) and the silent (“She’aino Yodea Lishol” in Hebrew, meaning “The Son who Doesn’t Know Enough to Ask”).

Many people focus on the one who does not know how to ask. Ironically, however, many of us at the table are actually the wicked son. I mean, if you’re at the table, you probably have the idea you’re Jewish right? It is exactly this that keeps sites like our very own Punktorah.com alive. For many Jews, you have sat year after year at a shabbos table or a Passover seder and thought “Why am I here?”  You know at least the most basic of laws and you might even attend young adult events or have hit a Hillel in college or a BBYO event in your teen years of punk rock rebellion.

What is crucial to understand about all these sons (or daughters… I mean, I am a YENTApunker… not a MENCHEpunker) is that each has a place at the table. What Jewish person wouldn’t have enough food for one more extra person anyway? Yet, it is the wicked son that seems to be embraced by many of us though.  The wicked thinks the laws apply to other Jews, but not themselves.

Situation: It’s a Monday morning and after a long night of punk rock craziness you ignored your alarm. You’re now totally screwed and cannot make it to work on time. You throw on a shirt that is only moderately wrinkled, hop in your economy vehicle, and speed to work.

Now, it is highly possible that a police officer never catches you on the way to work. However, Hashem sees everything.  He knows that you’re aware you’re breaking laws and putting yourself or others at risk. If you continue to speed, knowing the legal limit, you too fit in the wicked category.

Why would I want to label many of my loved ones as wicked and not the wise or the simple? Well… it seems so much nicer to realize we all have an ability to grow. The wise son almost implies we have nothing left to learn. However, our neshamas have much to learn and can always learn more. Many of us are not simple. We are not lazy, we are functioning in the secular and the Jewish community. The long hours of Tikkun Olam have to count for something right? But wicked, many of us proudly are, despite the connotation.

Wicked sounds so unpleasant, but I implore you challenge the connotation and see its beauty.  Embrace the idea that you might learn something at the table or that you might have it in you to learn something this year. Being wicked doesn’t have to be looked upon as bad. Acknowledge and embrace your wickedness. Enjoy it, but use it to identify where you can grow spiritually.

Overall, the laws do apply to us all. This Pesach try and find one law to learn. Hell, pick up some Leviticus and read. It won’t hurt you anymore than those commercials for Viagra do. I mean, if it’s from Hashem  it’s perfect right? So nourish your spiritual roots in four glasses of wine and remember, it’s punk rock to be wicked.

L’Chaim and Chag Sameach!

You’ll never find a better sparring partner than adversity.
-Golda Meir

Filed Under: Community Member Blogs, Rants, Shabbat & Holidays Tagged With: Counterculture, darshan yeshiva, exodus, festival, food, holiday, Jewish, Jews, Passover, patrick "aleph" beaulier, patrick aleph, Pesach, Punk, punktorah, rabbi patrick aleph beaulier, Religion, Torah, wicked son

IndieYeshiva Presents: Passover!

March 25, 2010 by Patrick Beaulier

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMM9iiskhw4]

Join Patrick and Michael as they talk about Pesach as they journey out of Egypt! Pesach is celebrated from March 29 through April 6 2010. Don’t forget to sell your chametz!

Filed Under: Podcasts & Videos, Shabbat & Holidays Tagged With: bible, Counterculture, exodus, food, holiday, Jewish, Jews, Judaism, Moses, Passover, Pesach, Punk, rebel, Religion, Torah

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