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Valentines Day Advice From PunkTorah and SuperTova

February 14, 2011 by Patrick Beaulier

(Jewish) Internet Dating Tips From Someone Who Should Know

This post is courtesy of Justin Corsa, the president of http://www.supertova.com

I’m going to introduce several common tips concerning internet dating in order to help develop your online dating skills. Though, it’s only “internet dating” it still requires a simple set of skills in order to maximize your dating potential.

I’ll begin with photos. I don’t know how to stress this enough. In order to maximize your potential, it’s important to submit a photo. You will receive more views and more messages. That’s the bottom line. If you don’t feel comfortable uploading a photo to an internet dating site, it’s understandable. However, look at it in this perspective. Everyone is on here for the same reason. We are Jewish, single, and actively looking. There’s no reason to hide. Further, when uploading photo, make it a recent one. No sense on posting a photo from 10 years ago. Deceiving someone is not the best way to walk into a first date.

Many people are under the impression that waiting to be contacted is the best way to encounter online dating. They feel, “why should I contact someone? They should be contacting me.” This strategy is probably not the best idea in order to locate your best match. It’s extremely important to utilize the search tool to locate exactly what you’re looking for. Some believe that having a profile is supposed to act like a magnet. It’s never the case. Even if you’re receiving a dozen emails without contacting someone, you are still limiting yourself. The reasoning behind this suggestion is because you could have the “perfect” match on the website, however, you didn’t take the time to look.

You should not feel embarrassed about contacting someone. Get aggressive and reach out to the matches you feel are the best potential (this is for both men and women). The law of probability states that the more people you connect with, the better your chances you will find the best possible match. In addition, the more replies you will receive.

Another important tip is to never get disgruntled if someone doesn’t reply. It happens. It’s happened to me several times; and it happens to everyone. Do not let it bother you; and don’t get angry with the person if they don’t reply. The best thing you can do is move on to someone else. Eventually, someone will reply to you. If someone doesn’t reply after the 2nd email, I wouldn’t send another one. There could be a multitude of reasons why the person didn’t reply. It’s a waste of time to try to figure out exactly what went wrong.

When writing an email to someone, make sure it’s not your typical “cut/paste” email. I learned 15 years ago (when I initially began using the internet as another avenue for dating), that women want to read something sincere. A simple “hi, how are you?” may seem too vague. Talk about something they had mentioned in their profile. They want to know you are actually reading their profile. Put in some effort during the email and I can assure you, the reply volume will increase.

Before meeting someone, you must communicate in depth over the phone. Get a sense of the person before making plans to meet. I strongly encourage you never to rush into it. Get to know the person and if you feel comfortable vocally, go ahead and set a date to meet in person.

Ask for several photos prior to meeting. If someone doesn’t have a photo on their profile and refuses to send one; I’ll leave this one up to you. In my personal opinion, I wouldn’t take the chance. It’s better to put a face to the name. As I always say, it’s not shallow; just being rational.

The best places to meet are public places. Most people feel comfortable in these types of settings. Parks, restaurants, lounges, and museums are great places to meet on a first date. Bars, clubs, and movie theaters are limited with respect to communication. Try to avoid those places. The purpose of the 1st date should ONLY be to get to know each other in order to figure out if a 2nd date is a good idea.

Don’t engage online dating with a negative attitude. If that’s how you enter the arena, you will probably leave the arena with the same attitude. With anything in life, approach everything with a positive attitude. You will develop more positive results.

Please. If you don’t receive any messages; and you have not made any effort in contacting someone, the only person you can blame is yourself. You cannot approach internet dating; or any other dating, with laziness.

Good Luck to everyone!

Filed Under: Rants, Shabbat & Holidays Tagged With: convert to judaism, convert to judaism online, darshan yeshiva, dating, info, Internet, live, online conversion, patrick "aleph" beaulier, patrick aleph, punktorah, rabbi beaulier, rabbi patrick aleph beaulier, Tips

A Letter to my Besheret (Soul Mate)

August 5, 2010 by Patrick Beaulier

Dear Besherit-

Thanks for not showing up again. Oh, wait… I should start this out a little nicer. Do you remember when I was a teenager and I thought I would have found you by the time I was 25 so by 27 I could be married. I am totally okay with not being married, but let me tell you these first dates are starting to really suck ass. I meet men who say I am “too Jewish” or “not Jewish enough”. My mother is starting to tense up every time I commit to another failed (again) relationship. I have decided you’re probably sitting in a coffee house or a pub right now with friends wondering why I am no where in sight. Maybe we even know one another, however, I doubt it because I am sure my instincts would have told me so.

Let me catch you up a bit. I work as an English teacher for 11th graders in Orange County. I have found it’s pretty cool to play Dr. Dre or some Israeli rap while the kiddos do their vocabulary. I know, you’re stuck doing some horrible nonprofit work (sense the sarcasm) or sitting at a desk making the world a better place. I just hate that you and I enjoy work so much that we might not have met. What the heck?

Now how dare you possibly have passed by me at some random Jewish function in Los Angeles, Long Beach, or Orange County. I know you didn’t mean to, but I was surrounded by so many people. I get it, you played coy. That’s cool… but I am pretty dense, you’ll have to be more upfront with me.

I would have made you a CD of all the dance music my students gave me. I have been jamming on it in the car and cutting a rug with friends every so often at Woody’s on the Warf of Newport Beach. I know you like to dance. I get it. Bar Mitzvas are where you can try out all your craziness.

Speaking of which my dress was not creased or wrinkled! I washed it and use this anti wrinkle spray on it. I am clearly wearing flats to that evening you need me to attend for your work. I don’t want to fall like the time I did on 2nd street (totally sober mind you) and broke my wrist, all because I wore a small heal. I am a klutz! I cant help it! And for your information I didn’t spend ANYTHING on the sweater, I sewed the flowers on an old one because I was bored. So there! J

In Los Angeles, there is this awesome Carlebach minyon that I like to daven at on Pico. Naw, I know you and I aren’t frum, but I am really glad that you understand I like to tap into my spiritual side and it’s cool that you support me in my religious zealousness every now and again. By the way, I appreciate you cooking vegetarian for me because your kitchen isn’t kosher and mine is. I am really excited that you don’t give a shit that I separate my milk from my meat. It was cute how you sang the song from NOFX as you stepped into my kitchen. Ha! And yes, I would like to go to the music festival with you.

You love Star Wars and a Bronx Tale too? Holy crap! Maybe we can have a marathon on a rainy day and then make fun of one another as my dog and cat make plans to escape from my condo because you and I are just so damn weird together. I have decided before I meet you under the chuppah I want the “dum dum” sound from Law and Order to play. I know, you wake up to me watching it at odd hours of the night and you find it charming. I like that you smile at my weird idiosyncrasies. Can you pass the frozen yogurt since you’re getting up to grab the newspaper anyway? You know I am more up on my politics than you are… don’t try and act like you know something before me. 😉 Silly!

Oh, you moved my bookmarker you stinker. I was reading _________________ in the bathroom, but apparently you also took a liking to it. Get another bookmarker and I can share it with you. For goodness sakes, put the seat down though! I almost fell in and Phoebe likes to drink from the bowl. Gross!

Last weekend I forgot to tell you thanks for coming to my softball game. The Matzo Ballers have gotten so much better since we have two non Jews on the team. Go figure right? J I wrote about it on my blog and somehow ended up sending some rant to PunkTorah as well. That site is really taking off and I am proud to have a small hand in it. Michael seems to put up with me, but Patrick is really the catalyst for all my nonsense.

My mother called three times yesterday asking when you are going to join my parents on the boat. I told them you’re excited, but I wanted to take you on the kayak with me and Willow, my pup, before you commit to a day of Jewish parents on the open seas. Nothing says rockier than Jewish parents and 10 foot swells.

I should get to bed so I can wake up early and see the new exhibit at LACMA or the Getty. I know, how many museums can I visit in a year? I don’t mean to be a geek, but I ran out of acrylic paints and my sewing is really coming together and I want new inspirations. Yes, you’re a muse, but I really love Van Gogh’s painting style. Either you can come with and we can nosh on some yummy Asian fooders or you can hang with the boys and see me tomorrow night if you like. The day after I’m headed to a “Handmade” fair again. I know, more art…! When you get time we’ll take a weekend to drive up the coast or to go to Napa or something as we discussed. I like weekends with you. Stop pretending like you’re the funny one. Okay, you do make me laugh so hard I am sure I’m going to explode, but you think I am pretty goofy too AND YOU LOVE IT!

Okay Mr. go getter punk rock briefcase using contradiction of a Jewish man (aka my besherit), we’ll talk tomorrow.

XOXO and be true to the streets-

Yentapunker

Filed Under: Community Member Blogs, Random (Feelin' Lucky?), Rants Tagged With: besherit, darshan yeshiva, dating, Jewish, Jews, Judaism, love, patrick "aleph" beaulier, patrick aleph, people, Punk, punktorah, rabbi beaulier, rabbi patrick aleph beaulier, rebel, Religion, soulmate, Torah

Debating Jewish Dating Sites

June 15, 2010 by Patrick Beaulier

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQASSVAN-j0

We know they suck, but what can you do?

Filed Under: Podcasts & Videos, Random (Feelin' Lucky?), Rants Tagged With: dating, jdate, relationships, shidduch

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