B"H

Parshah Balak (Something In The Way)

In this week’s Torah portion, a sorcerer named Balaam is sent by Balak to curse the Israelites. But G-d appears to him and turns his heart saying, “you shall not curse them but bless them” (Numbers 22:12). After protesting to Balak’s people that he can’t do it, Balaam reluctantly agrees to carry out his mission.

But something crazy happens. Balaam is riding a donkey toward the settlement where the Hebrews are, when his donkey sees an angel of the Lord, blocking him from going toward the camp. Balaam doesn’t see it: only the donkey sees it. So Balaam tries, unsuccessfully, to go in different directions toward the camp, hitting the poor donkey over and over again. Finally, G-d gives the donkey the power to speak! The conversation went a little like this:

Donkey: Hey Balaam, why you keep hitting me? What did I ever do to you?

Balaam: Donkey, you’re embarrassing me! If you were a person, I’d freakin’ cut you!

Donkey: Why you playin’ like that? You’ve been riding me this whole time and I haven’t given you trouble at all.

And then, the angel appeared to Balaam and called him out on his awful mistreatment of the donkey:

Angel: Yo, Balaam. Why are you beating down your donkey? Obviously I’m in the way and the donkey can’t go anywhere you want it to!

So Balaam has something of a roadside conversion and the angel lets him know that, instead of curses, Balaam will open his mouth and bless the Hebrews.

Balaam goes back to Balak and lets him know this weird news. And Balak basically says, “heck with this. Let’s go to the Hebrew settlement and try this cursing thing out either way.” Long story short, it didn’t work. Apparently when G-d does something, it happens.

I’d like to ask an honest question: what’s in your way? What is keeping you from getting something done? For Balaam, it was an angel, standing in his way. What is it for you?

And an even bigger question is, “is what you are wanting to do, really that important, anyway?”

Balaam was trying to curse the Hebrews, so G-d steps in his way. And there are angels on Earth who get in our way all the time: the father who locks up his drug addict kid who he won’t shoot up, the nurse who gives out condoms to prostitutes so they won’t get AIDS.

So what’s in your way? Maybe it’s not as self destructive and the examples I gave earlier, but maybe it will take you down a path that you really don’t want. I used to think that every time my old band couldn’t get a show or every time I got fired from a job, that it was just another thing getting in my way. And to be honest, if I had a sword, I’d prolly cut some people up, too.

But then an angel stepped into my life and made me realize, “OK Patrick, maybe you need to evaluate whether this is a good use of your time.” And sure enough, those things weren’t. And now, things are going great. I have a new band, and it doesn’t stress me out at all! And my job…well…PunkTorah is my job!

There’s always an obstacle to every goal. Maybe that obstacle is an angel of the Lord saying, “don’t pass Go, don’t collect $200. You’re going to do G-d’s work instead.”

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Parshah Chukat

Parshah Chukat

Numbers 19:1-22:1

Why do the same things keep happening to us over and over again? Why do we fall into the same relationships, same types of jobs, etc. etc. Sometimes life feels like a gigantic rerun that you can’t escape: a constant Bill Murray-style Groundhog Day.

Just like all the other Torah portions in Bamidbar, the same predictable plot happens:

1) The Hebrews wander the desert

2) The Hebrews get angry that they are wandering in the desert

3) G-d gets pissed off and performs a miracle

This time, we have snakes on fire, which to me sounds like a stoner metal band. At any rate, these venomous snakes bite the ankles of the Hebrews, and naturally they freak out.

So G-d says, “build a bronze altar with a snake on a pole. Stare at it, and you’ll be healed.”

Yay. Miracle. But pretty anti-climactic.

I guess you could say, “well, it all worked out for the Hebrews. They built a shrine to the snake and G-d healed them. Some lesson, huh?” But you have to remember that idolatry is a sin. G-d’s not letting them off the hook, G-d’s forcing them to do something that’s completely against their culture. It’s like a dog that pees on the carpet, and you turn around and rub their nose in it.

There’s a reason why life for the Hebrews stays the same: they keep doing the same things! It seems like a no-brainer, but perhaps if they adjusted their attitude a little bit, they wouldn’t be wandering around in the desert!

This is the way life works: you’re fat because you keep eating, you’re single because you keep going out with losers, and you’re an alcoholic because you keep drinking. It’s like my dad says, “if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”

Maybe it’s all the motivational posters at my gym, but I see this week’s Torah portion as an inspiration to quit whining and do something! Maybe then the snakes that are biting your ankles (bill collectors, a crappy boss, whatever) will leave you alone.

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Parshat Korach

Parshah Korach

If you like stories about political rebellion and massive death, then Parshah Korach is right up your alley.

In this week’s parshah, Korach decides that Moses needs to be overthrown. In his mind, Moses has too much authority and sits on his high horse, talking to G-d, and looking down on everyone else.

So he challenges Moses’ authority. He gathers a bunch of guys, and they confront Moses. So Moses calls him out on it! Moses and Korach go to the Tent of Meeting with fire pans of incense and sure enough, G-d sides with Moses. Korach and his dudes get swallowed up by the earth and the rest die in a massive plague.

Basically, you don’t mess with G-d.

A lot of people read this Torah portion as a way of promoting fundamentalism. “See, if you rebel against G-d, you’ll be punished! So burn your Urban Outfitters shirts and step away from the indie rock, because you need to sit all day reading Gemara or G-d will punish you all the days of your life.”

That’s a lie. And they know it.

This story is actually about DISTRUSTING authority.

In the first part of the story, we learn that Korach comes from a powerful family. The Midrash (Jewish legends) about Korach teaches that he was wealthy, too. And if you look at the people he recruited to overthrow Moses, they weren’t anti-establishment. They were princes, men from the assembly, nobility. They were yuppie power brokers!

Korach used these two hundred and fifty men to challenge Moses, not because they wanted equality, but they wanted power for themselves. Worse than that, they managed to trick people into following them under the lie that “everyone in the congregation is holy” (Numbers 16:3).

There are people in this world: politicians, celebrities, people in power, who claim that they are looking out for the common man. But sometimes, these people aren’t really looking out for you. They are just using you.

Why did G-d side with Moses and Aaron and not Korach? Because Moses and Aaron were the real deal. Yes, they were the guys in charge. But their hearts were in the right place. They weren’t out for “number one” like Korach.

So if you’re going to challenge the system, go for it! G-d likes rebellious people. Just make sure that you aren’t being tricked by some yuppie jerk who talks a good game.

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Parshah Shelach Lecha w/Sleigh Bells

In this weeks portion, three things happen…

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600,000 Letters: Disagreeing With The Torah

by Michael Sabani

Should you ignore something just because you don’t believe it? Can you still learn from it?

It was during a recent discussion with some friends about the Torah that I realized something that opened the Torah up for me almost completely.
We were discussing the different interpretations that one can have about things that happen in the Torah. I don’t want to get into specifics, but there was a questions as to what happened in a particular part of the story. Most everyone believed that one “counterculture” interpretation was true. In fact, they felt so strongly that it seemed they were almost offended to hear that a traditional or Midrashic interpretation could even be entertained. I was honestly kind of shocked. Not that they would entertain a view that doesn’t necessarily portray the patriarchs or matriarchs as saints because, let’s be honest, they weren’t! The issue I had was that they almost wouldn’t even listen, and when I did share, I felt like I was viewed almost as an anachronistic, ignorant, orthodox party pooper! And I most certainly am not!

What I learned is this:

We are a tradition full of ideas. You know that old saying, “three Jews, five opinions”. The thing is, when we hold on to one interpretation over another, when we almost outright refuse to listen to something from our own tradition that differs with what we want to believe, we are only cheating ourselves. In order to be informed, in order to be fully aware of what the Torah is trying to tell us, there has to be a balance. Just because you don’t like an idea, DOES NOT mean that you should run from it! Instead, embrace it! Look it right in the face and figure out exactly what you don’t like/believe about it. If, after you’ve listened you still don’t agree, GREAT! At least you learned something. And as people of the book we are called to always learn.

There is a saying from the sages that the Torah has 600,000 letters, and each represents one Jewish neshama, one Jewish soul. This means that there are as many ways to read the Torah as there are Jews who read it!

The sages also say that every letter of the Torah, down to the smallest yod ( ‘ ) is there to teach us a lesson. It would seem to me that in order to get the most out of the Torah, especially today, we should pay attention to even the smallest letters, especially when we disagree with it. Only through that friction can we release the Light, and only through that struggle can we brighten the world.

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G-DCast: The Sarah Lefton Interview

“If you have a good gut on something, go for it. You’re probably right.”

Sarah Lefton is the creator of G-dcast, a site that teaches me more about Judaism than any other resource I have ever found.

The “guts” of the site is the weekly Torah portion, taught through animated cartoons. “Jewlebrities” as far reaching as Hesta Prynn (from Northern State), actor and yogi Marcus Freed, controversial Rabbi Steven Greenberg and…ahem…myself, contribute d’vrei Torah that are insightful, musical, and frankly, hilarious.

Sarah and I have three big things in common. First, our mutual friendship with Matthue Roth, second our love of Judaism, and third…well…our love of cussing.

“I basically grew up with crap for Jewish education…there was one synagogue when i was growing up…this whole project, honest to G-d…is an honest attempt to educate myself.”

Honest to G-d is right. And honest to the Jewish people as well. G-dcast staff do not have a hidden agenda to promote any special version of Judaism. They are reform, orthodox, secular, and everywhere in between.

Why G-dcast? “A spoon full of sugar that helps the medicine go down,” replied Lefton. I started hearing Mary Poppins in my head when she said, “this is a fresh idea for people…that Jewish learning can be fun.”

Lefton, like most cool Jews, came from outside the system. Growing up in the south, her town had one synagogue and no Jewish educational resources available.

So when Lefton started college, she jumped right into Judaism, head first. “I did crazy things that no 21 year old would do, like joining a synagogue.”

This immersion into the Jewish world, coupled with her background in digital media and advertising came full circle when Lefton asked herself one basic question, “how come Jewish education sucks so badly?”

“I more than anyone can use a Jewish literacy. For me, this is what it has always been about,” said Lefton.

This runs contrary to the popular opinion of most Jews in the non-profit sector, who focus on community and identity. Lefton fights back with this bold statement:

“The Jewish community has done a damn good job in talking about identity and about people-hood, community, continuity, pride. But we’ve done a lousy job with literacy. Ask any American teenager is who Captain Ahab is and they’ll have a great answer…they may not like it, but they know who these people are. Smart Jewish kids…don’t know who Joshua, Miriam and Ruth are. Literacy, not pride, holds people together.”

Preach it, sister! www.g-dcast.com

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Parsha Behaalotecha

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Parshat Naso

Parshat Naso really, really bothers me.

First, we have this issue of a wife cheating on her husband. It’s pretty ugly. He gets to take her to the center of the town where she drinks a bitter water that will probably kill her. If she lives, she didn’t sin. If she dies…well…you know. It’s very Salem Witch Trials, and sounds a lot nicer when you hear the Girls In Trouble song about it called, “Secrets/You’re Always Watching”.

Then there’s hippies. No. Really. Hippies.

The Torah talks about something called the Nazarite vow. It’s a vow taken by a person who wants to be “holy”. And they have some pretty interesting rules they have to live by: they have to grow their hair long, they can’t drink wine, they can’t be near a dead body, and they have to offer sacrifices along with going to the mikvah (ritual bath).

Let’s think…wanna-be holy people with long hair who need to take a bath. Hippies!

But here’s the cool thing. Adultery in the Bible is a two-way street. Men can’t cheat and neither can women. And there’s examples of strong female characters like Tamar and Esther who challenge the idea that women were baby-machines-who-better-keep-their-mouths-shut. Though it doesn’t seem like it at times, the Bible is actually pretty egalitarian.

And as for those hippie Nazarite people. Well, they can be men or women! Anyone can take the vow to be a holy person. That says a lot, given the number of religions that teach the superiority of men in the holiness department.

This year it’s especially fitting that Parshat Naso be read during the time of Shavuot, where we see a strong woman against a patriarchal society. The great thing about the Torah is that, just when you think it’s sexist, it turns around and gives you a swift kick in the right direction.

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Parshat Bamidbar

Being a kid was a lot like being a slave. I had to go to school. I had to be home at a certain time. I had to eat the food my parents bought. I was on their schedule: I didn’t have a car, a place of my own, anything!

When I started college, I finally felt free. I was my own man, freed from the slavery of childhood. But there was a problem: I really had no sense of who I was. I was always changing my clothing style, my taste in music, the food I ate, the stuff I liked to do for fun. My identity was really fluid then, not because I was so open minded, but because I was in a crisis: true adulthood was creeping up on me, and I needed to figure out who I was and what I was going to do with my life.

In a way, I was wandering through my own desert, just like the Hebrews.

In this week’s Torah portion, G-d tells the freed Hebrew slaves to count themselves, and instructs them to take on certain roles. The Gershonites were in charge of the tent and the covering of the Tabernacle. The Kohathites delt with the ark, table, lampstand and some other things inside it, etc. etc. etc. In this way, G-d is telling them who they are, and what their life is about.

If you’re having trouble figuring out who you are, and what your life is about, then try the Bamidbar Technique For Solving An Identity Crisis:

  • Count your people. See who it is that you want to be around, day and night, 24/7. Literally count the number of people. Is your “tribe” small or large? Are you OK with that?
  • See how these people live. Maybe it’s the free spiritedness of the Crunchies or the booze-and-shmooze life of the Young Executives that turns you on. Either way, you are going to be in this group and you better see if it’s something you want.
  • Camp with your people. Get involved with the people that you want  to be around. Whether it’s interning at a company that you think you like, or visiting a college that sounds cool, or volunteering for a non-profit that attracts the people you like, getting involved will surround you with the kinds of people you want to emulate.
  • Take on the role. Once you know what you like, and who you want to be, then do it! There’s nothing stopping you.
  • Remember that you are what you are. A lot of people want to be everything. You can’t be. It’s impossible. You might have to sacrifice certain things, like a type of job, a certain place you want to live, certain educational opportunities, etc. But if you love what you are doing, and who you are with, you are willing to give up anything.

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Parshat Behar-Bechukotai

Parshat Behar-Bechukotai

In the beginning of this week’s Torah portion, G-d tells Moses that every seventh year, the Hebrews should let their land “rest”. No planting, harvesting, etc. Just leave it alone. And if the land has any produce, make sure to leave some your animals, slaves, hired workers and people who live with you. G-d wants the land to rest, because then it will “become fertile”. There is a sense, here, that human beings spoil the land through their work, and that nature needs to repair itself so that it can continue to grow.

Farmers cultivate the land with tools, and the result is the harvest. Similarly, prayers are used as tools to cultivate divinity, the result being a connection to something transcendent.

Maybe it makes sense, then, that there be a “Sabbatical time” from prayer. It’s great to say brachot, daven, meditate, etc. But maybe we need to just chill out and enjoy life, so that our spiritual “land” can replenish itself. Instead of worrying about all the brachot, the correct prayers for each moment of life, keeping tabs of the weekly Torah portion, etc., we sometimes need to just step back, go on autopilot, and take a break from “being, thinking and acting Jewish” to just “being” ourselves.

Even though we aren’t “cultivating” the spiritual land, we will still have plenty of spiritual “produce”. And we are commanded to share this with everyone! And what happens after the Sabbatical? Our spiritual land is fertile again, and we can get back to business as usual, refreshed and more bountiful than before.

Bottom line: even rabbis take a day off (and from what I understand, it’s usually Monday).

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