I ran into one of my elementary school teachers just the other day. I used to love seeing her at school because she was the only Jewish teacher and I also could see her at temple with her twin girls. Beautiful young women they were. I used to watch what they wore, how they did their hair, what they said and the terms they used. Girls a few years older always made an impression on me. I think it was because I am an only child, so I had to learn from somewhere. I used to envy these young ladies.
As I exchanged hellos and quickly caught her up with my life, she shared that her daughters were married and she was the grandmother of 7 children. I became excited until she went further into the fact that her daughters had converted and she was not able to see their weddings. My heart dropped.
1st, you must honor thy mother and father. Not allowing your mom into your wedding because she is Jewish and you have left the faith made me not only want to vomit, but wreak havoc! I mean what a nightmare for a woman who raised you in a warm and loving home. I cannot think of anything worse than ignoring your mother’s feelings and not allowing her to partake in such a serious event. I know that this family was close and that the woman who stood before me was a very active and loving mother; she’s nothing to avoid! Secondly, by Halacha her grandchildren were still Jewish, but they will NEVER know! These 7 children will not be taught their culture and heritage that is rich with beauty and worth.
I get angered. With the Jewish population dwindling and assimilation being such a serious subject. I stood there trying to be happy for this woman who clearly was also uncomfortable with the situation. Two days later I ran into a woman from the salon that I had previously run into my beloved teacher. She said she held my teacher as she cried on the day of her daughters wedding and how sad the whole situation is. I suddenly realized that simcha is really a view point. For her daughters, raising these kids in a loving home is a simcha. Although I am not saying these two women should be burned at the stakes for leaving their faith and mother behind, I am saying their simcha brings tears to many people’s eye. Unfortunately, these are not tears of joy, but tears of grief and anger.
I try and find a place to blame. Was it our synagogue? Maybe they did not do enough outreach. I certainly know I did not find a love for my faith through it. Was it my teacher’s lack of cultural enrichment? Maybe she herself was not taught the deep values of a Jewish home or how much prayer and culture can enrich your being. Should these young women have gone on Birthright as soon as they hit college or not been allowed to date outside their faith as teenagers? It really boggles my mind. In Judaism there is something for everyone! You just have to be proactive like anything else! You did not learn how to tie your shoe without being taught and you will not find a way to be spiritual without being taught in a myriad of ways!
Faith is a prescription and it’s dosage is whatever you make of it. Some of us like the culture. Some find it through social events or religious holidays. Some people are at the 3X daily. This very situation makes me concerned for my own children (G-d willing I ever find Mr. Right). Will I get the dose right or will I too be excluded from a wedding or have grandchildren that will never know what a joy being Jewish is?
Simcha (happiness) is all in perspective.
Be true to the streets!
Yentapunker
I have been thinking about the same subject for a while, and what if their Neshama was just not Jewish….we allow people to convert (I am one of them) so that their Neshama and their daily world match, so could it work in reverse?…There is a documentary that I watched called Brother Born Again- came out in the 90′s I think -see Snagfilms.com, where the family deals with the same thing…I wonder if the daughters are “born again”, I would never EVER be excluded from an event just because I am Jewish…
It is sad though…I am sorry for your teacher, she sounds like she was a great teacher!
What do you think?
It’s just conjecture on my part, but I doubt the daughters were born-again Christians. You will not find a community that is more philosemitic (for whatever reason) than the evangelicals. They support Israel almost unconditionally, and in far greater numbers than Jews. They are more involved in fighting antisemitism than any other non-Jewish group. They are perhaps the only group that doesn’t fear the PC police in speaking out against Islamofascism and its threat to world Jewry. Yes, they do want to convert us, but that is their faith. While this may unnerve us, even make us uncomfortable, I do not consider their efforts antisemitic.
When I meet evangelicals and we get talking at my bookstore, I am direct in saying that I’m not open to discussing Jesus. The subject is then almost always dropped. I did have a problem with a few women, one of whom was a Jew for Jesus. The saddest thing is the number of Jews I meet that are intermarried, unaffiliated, ignorant of their faith and Torah, and that celebrate Christmas with their family (all should be warned: if you marry a Christian, you will celebrate Christmas; perhaps nothing is more certain, well, except death and taxes).
In my opinion, FWIW, the fact that these two daughters married outside the faith has nothing to do with their mother. Yes, it’s true that when Jews are not given a strong Jewish identity, a connection to their heritage, and raised in a home where holidays are exciting and observed, that it’s easy for them to be swayed by the dominate culture. It’s all around us. But, it’s one thing to not feel really Jewish and become a Buddhist, a Christian, a Muslim, whatever; but, to connect yourself to anyone and anybody that seeks to separate you from your only mother, well, I think there’s something else going on here.
I wonder if the daughters got connected to a cult (that doesn’t appear to be one). One of the first goals of a cult, of course, is to separate you from your family. On the other hand, there is such a thing as wonderful, loving, honest, caring parents raising children with strong values, children who then grow up to become narcissistic jerks. I’ve known kids who have not only not stayed connected to their parents, but have maliciously turned against them and tried to hurt them. We are all responsible for our choices and not all of us make good ones. Of course, this doesn’t make it any easier for the teacher-Mom. I feel for her.
Yeah that’s a really good point! Maybe it is a “church” that is more like a “cult”…of course that is conjecture….and it could be also that the girls did want to be separate from their mother–again conjecture.
I did not know that about the Evangelicals..while we have Evangelicals here in Canada, I don’t really know much about them…I have heard though that the reason why some Christians or Evangelicals, or whatever term we want to use to describe them, are pro-Israel (I am not sure about Pro-Jewish) is that when “the saviour” comes, they will be let into the promise land. Is it self serving? I am not sure, and it is for sure not my place to surmise.
What I was mostly wondering about was if it is possible for a Jewish soul to really be a Christian soul? Does it work in reverse? Does the Torah have anything to say about that?
What do you think Pam?
It seems as though the big debate is what religion. Well, they became Mormon. Anyway, it is previlant in the community where I grew up. 45% of my city was practicing Mormons. I went to their dances, ate their foo in the mornings at ceminary, played basketball with them on Weds basketball night, and knew many of their Bishops. I have to tell you, every time I hung out with my friends I was clear about my faith, but my mother lived in Israel and my father was born there. The religion and the culture was deeply engrained in my head. I also found joy in celebrations and family events. Yes, I dated a few Morons as well… but I have to tell you, when your Nishama wants to be Jewish, nothing else will make it smile. I am a deep believer that even converts should be held on the highest esteem for choice and not blood line. However, I do not condone people pushing others into a religion less gratifying for them.
Mormonism is considered a “cult” by Christians and Jews alike. We can’t judge all Christians by them!
Mormonism is no longer a cult and christians do not even understand that the meaning of Christian means follower of Christ, thus making Jews for Jesus christian as well. Protestant, Catholics, Mormons, Evangelicals, Episcoplaians, Puritans, Unitarians, Lutherans, and even Calanists are ALL christains by definition!
BTW even Judiasm started as a cult if you learn historical perspectives on the evolution of religions.