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Judaism, Transcendentalism, and Public Schools

April 26, 2010 By punktorah

Of course as a public school teacher I need the time to rant about how I educate students about ideologies that are not my own. It makes perfect sense to me, when this becomes my thought process:

In 1794 Thomas Paine wrote about Deism through his novel “The Age of Reason”. Unlike any author before him, he had scrutinized the Calvinist church and set a precedence that challenging aristocratic society and those who took to a corrupt religious social structure. This innate though that life is essentially born from good, and not the “infant damnation” that the Calvinists took to, was not so insightful as the Jewish faith had been in this thought for centuries.

As the thought manifests its way into another movement, it translates into the Unitarian Church, which believes that all the laws of G-d are understood innately through our conscience. Well, duh! Again, the Jews have long before used proof that gut feelings and human understanding of the laws could be adhered to. I mean, study a little Talmud or Gemara eh? Again, I am perplexed…

Due to the nature of my job, I slowly move into the Transcendentalist movement. The “Oversoul” being the euphoric sense of nature and that G-d is present in nature as well. Then, I think of Tu Beshvat and the celebration of the trees and land. I can’t help but want to turn to my students and be like, “Hey, your religions are evolving into what mine already is!” It’s so frustrating to be on the page everyone is moving towards, but they have no concept of my religion’s underlining themes and ideology.

Teaching in a public school is easy, rewarding, and above all the best decision I have made for myself. However, I have to say, sometimes things are a challenge. It seems that my biggest one, in terms of curriculum, is that I want to offer the students a bit more emmis (truth) then what they are getting. I know, separation of church and state. Yet why is it okay that winter break always lands on Christmas?

Stay true to the streets!

Yentapunker

Filed Under: Community Member Blogs, Rants Tagged With: Counterculture, Jewish, Jews, Judaism, oversoul, Paine, patrick "aleph" beaulier, patrick aleph, public school, Punk, punktorah, rabbi patrick aleph beaulier, rebel, Religion, thoreau, Torah, transcendental, transcendentalism, transcendentalist

Queer Jew, Punk Torah

April 21, 2010 By punktorah

Hello, my name is Lucas, and I’m a queer Jew.

I spent a ton of time struggling with my spiritual identity because I was struggling with my personal identity, growing up in the punk scene was awesome, but there was an overabundance of machismo and a severe lack of respect for anyone who was a pussy, or believed in G-d, or worse… both. The thing is, I didn’t give a shit about religion during my teen years. I called myself “spiritual”, but that’s as far as it went. Sure, I’d blown shofar, braided challah and lived through a ton of hippy Passover meals involving sage smudging (long story), but I didn’t feel as if I had a specific spiritual or religious identity. I didn’t feel Jewish, and that’s about all I knew.

I mean I knew I liked plenty of stuff. I knew I liked cheap beer, hanging out with my friends, going to see bands play, zines, and sleeping past noon. And as much as I fit in with my friends, I was always the odd man out. I was the only gay person I knew, and I didn’t fit the stereotype of a “gay man”, so it was hard to accept myself as such. Punk was the only personal identifier I had in my arsenal and it fit well enough for a while. The word felt safe and all encompassing to me, I clung to it and used it to distract everyone away from the fact that I liked dudes.

I wouldn’t talk about it with most of my friends. A few select people knew, but I was very secretive about it. My punk identity was raucous and aggressive, with an attitude as bad as my teen acne. It was easy for me to hide and even easier to tell myself that who I dated wasn’t anyone’s business, but really that was just an easy way for me to say, “I’m scared that if you knew, you’d treat me differently.” I didn’t want people to make snap judgments on who I was or what my personality characteristics were based on my sexual identity.

I seem to lack all of the positive traits from the gay stereotype, I’m unkempt and can’t dress myself, and that only helps me fly under the radar, like the gayest stealth jet ever. To this day, when a Rabbi asks me if I have a girlfriend I freeze in terror, merely mouthing the words “Nope, no… girlfriend”. In my head reciting my mantra, “No no, I lay with men in a totally different way then I’d lay with women, I swear”. (Trust me on that one)

It wasn’t until I was about 22 that I started talking to my friends about it, and then it wasn’t until I was 25 years old that I finally admitted to my family that I was “gay”. They took it as well as anyone would who had just been ambushed, and somehow I had ambushed myself as well. I felt raw and powerless. So I did what any good punk does, I packed my backpack, and got on the next plane to Europe.

While in Amsterdam I found myself at a “Queer Punk” music fest. I looked around and saw all these people with tattoos, fucked up haircuts, and the same poor hygiene I recalled from my teen punk days. I saw people wearing band t-shirts I recognized, an overwhelming sea of crusty black clothing, and instantly I felt at home. This was who I was, and they had experienced what I had experienced. They were punks too, punks who also didn’t fit the category of “gay”. In protest they called themselves “queer”, and really, what’s more punk than a protest? Seriously.

By the time I had come home I felt like I had allowed myself to really start learning who I was but the more I learned about myself, the more I noticed this emptiness. Gradually as I got more comfortable within my own skin, I was getting pretty good at translating what my body/brain was trying to tell me. And all I was hearing was “dude, go to synagogue”, and who am I to question a handsome young gentleman. So I went. And suddenly there it was, a connection overwhelmingly and completely undeniable. My Jewish identity had somehow remained frozen, in stasis, but every Shabbat the defrost button was pressed and I quickly fell back into studying and reading and strengthening my connection. Weekly minyan, Shabbatlucks, young Jew groups… it all started to come together for me.

Jews I’ve met, queer or otherwise, wonder how I can go to Shul, pray, wear kippah and identify as a queer person and a Jew at the same time. They ask how I can have an honest connection to Hashem, or just how I can be religious at all. I don’t flinch; I never had that knee-jerk agnostic reaction that a lot of people in my generation seem to harbor towards faith or religion. And I had never felt something so strong, or so real as I did with my connection to Hashem and to Judaism. This connection I have, it tells me that Hashem is cool with me. He’s on my side and has got my back. That’s not the kind of shit you ignore, so I don’t, and I won’t. This is how I live and who I am, it’s not wool and linen, it’s queer and Jew.

I don’t care about the other shit anymore, I try my hardest not to care what other peoples opinions of me are, I don’t care that I am this crazy tattooed, homo in a yarmulke sitting by himself at Shul with a bunch of older people and families as my only Jewish community, because even if I am there by myself, I feel so tuned in. I have found myself, and although it might not have been a smooth journey, at least it was an honest one, with only nominal amounts of self-deprecation.

When I finally admitted to myself that I was queer it opened up a lot of doors for me. Being honest with myself and about myself was really fucking scary because I wasn’t used to feeling so exposed. I strongly believe that my faith and connection to Judaism really grounded me. And now I’m totally comfortable in the fact that I’m what your mother would call “a nice Jewish boy”, even if I listen to my records too loud, have too many tattoos, cuss like it’s going out of style, and well… date dudes. It’s the struggle G-d wants, not perfection.

Filed Under: LGBTQ & Women, Random (Feelin' Lucky?), Rants Tagged With: convert to judaism, convert to judaism online, Counterculture, darshan yeshiva, Jewish, Jews, Judaism, patrick "aleph" beaulier, patrick aleph, Punk, punktorah, queer, queer jews, rabbi beaulier, rabbi patrick aleph beaulier, rebel, Religion, Torah

Thunder From Down Under Ain’t Kosher!

April 19, 2010 By punktorah

By YentaPunker

There are plenty of rabbis and Jewish mothers that would cringe and make “Oy vey” commentary, but how could one resist to blog about the truth? The truth of the matter is that I was schlept to Thunder from Down Under in Vegas last week for a bachelorette party. Now, lets paint the full picture for you:

In line were women of every size imaginable, Hashem created or store bought. My favorite had to be the grandma with the walker and the oxygen tank. I knew there was something terribly lucid about this woman when she was trying to move faster as she realized the better seats were taken. The only thing I could think of was how unsanitary the thoughts and words of these women were. A newly 18 year old girl with piercings and a Rastafarian hat stood behind me with her mother. He mother expressed joy and stated this was not her first show. Of course when I asked where they were from they responded with Reno. Of COURSE you are! How silly am I? I couldn’t believe a girl would want to see something so sexual with her mother. I realized my mom would have been okay to come with me, but I would have been adamantly against such things.

I was amazed… See we learn a few things when being in multiple Jewish communities. In the more observant sects of Judaism, we understand that men’s thoughts and motives can be changed by sights and introductions to avayrot (sins for a lack of better translation). Men are visual creatures that do not operate solely on visions, but do get caught up in them. Women are not as instructed to be mindful. Women are taught to be coy and realize they are vulnerable creatures that are moved by emotional connections. In the reform household my mother raised me in, I was taught that women are sexual creatures that need and desire both types of love, physical and emotional… both before marriage.

One shabbos in Los Angeles there was a rabbi who mentioned a poem called To My Coy Mistress. The premise of the poem was that a man wanted to have sex with a woman he just met. She clearly wanted to be courted, but the man was very carpe diem about his libido and basically states “Baby, I don’t have all night”. I found this to be the VERY feeling of the show. These Australians were going to show their “underoos” as soon as possible, before one of these women popped an artery because “baby, these ladies don’t have all night!” So the show begins!

At first I was sure all these men were Jewish. The dancing was horrible and the choreography looked like something out of Fiddler on the Roof. (I am so sorry Grandma!) As it continued and the pants came off, I realized that this was the most unkosher venue I have ever attended. Now, don’t get me wrong, people are entitled. However, I was more than surprised as to see women of all ages touch the tushies of men they don’t know, or worse, the man’s unit! I was absolutely dumbfounded when a mother-in-law of the bride to be (not my bride thank goodness) was tossed on stage and made out with and fondled. The man pinched her nipples as she touched him in places that are making this YentaPunker blush like it’s going out of style. No one should ever see a 60 year old gray haired Bubie on stage!

I was really surprised when we left. I felt like I needed some mikvah action. Like something needed to be washed away quickly! My eyes had been scared! Then it dawned on me. I used to ask why the heck someone who was in the orthodox world wouldn’t see a porn or maybe even just watch TV. That the beaches could be difficult if you’re teaching your child to be snius (modest) and clubbing could be wicked. Then I realized what I had just left was 1 call short of a donkey show. It took watching an old lady being happily molested on stage for me to realize that I might have been desensitized by my experiences in the world. Now, I am not saying that I agree with completely shutting experiences out due to fear or emotional trauma, but I do see why one would limit their experiences.

I feel like my punk rock–ness went down a little in Vegas. Like me being Jewish let me be a little less “hardcore”. That somehow To My Coy Mistress only served a purpose for double mitzvas on shabbos when the kids go to sleep. That knowing someone might actually be better than paying to see something you cant have. Later realizing, that someone cannot even respect what they could have with a significant other. That love and lust can be mutual or mutually exclusive. It made me question what these women might be missing from their husbands or boyfriends. It made me wonder how many of these women connect to Hashem on a level that’s so meaningful, that cheap penis cannot compare.

Ultimately, I learned that my Judaism follows me from shul, home, and to the depths of the Las Vegas strip and that even when I think I might have a moment to break free from what might bind me, I’m still bound. I think I have seen enough “thunder” for one lifetime. It’s not to say that women shouldn’t enjoy breaking lose, but above all I will NEVER say that men are worse than women after what I have experienced. And as I drove home from Vegas, the idea that someone needed to take off their clothing for money only made me sad inside.

As always, be true to the streets (and yourselves)

YentaPunker

Filed Under: Community Member Blogs, Random (Feelin' Lucky?), Rants Tagged With: Counterculture, darshan yeshiva, Jewish, Jews, Judaism, LA, las vegas, male, patrick "aleph" beaulier, patrick aleph, Punk, punktorah, rabbi patrick aleph beaulier, Religion, stripper, Thunder From Down under, Torah, unkosher

Culturally Overlooked

April 14, 2010 By punktorah

I think religion is interesting because for some people it’s terribly personal and for others, it is absolutely not. Living in a predominantly Christian society has been interesting. I, like many of you, was stuck in an elementary school class doing something that was not part of my Jewish culture. In the 4th grade, I had to write a letter to Santa Claus. Interestingly enough, he never showed up to my house to deliver the million dollars as per my request. To make matters worse, the Easter Bunny rejected my 100lb of chocolate request. In jest, as an adult I claim these two Pagan features of the Christian religion are anti-Semitic and do not want to share their goodies with Jewish kids. However, in my humor, there is some rage. In high school, I had to fight with my choir director. He repeatedly tried to make me sing about Christ and even threatened to fail me. I was appalled. I felt like there was this constant battle between church and state in my public education. And of course, it got so bad my parents had to follow up the issue with a Jewish stereotype and call a lawyer. I, now as an educator, do not allow any holiday parties. I do allow healthy discussion, but in no way do I allow judgment or ridicule.

I think the classroom has led to many misconceptions about what is appropriate in the realm of religious tolerance. In school, Hitler jokes and Holocaust jokes are not permitted, but it’s okay to dye Easter eggs. Clearly I see a difference, but the concept between hateful speech and ignorance is still a blurred line. What message are we sending? What does the Jewish kid do?

As we get older, we experience this naïve perspective, when a college roommate or an acquaintance makes a poor decision to express how okay one of these taboos is in a Jewish kid’s public school experience. We get Christmas and Easter cards and have holidays off because the government gives us those days, but we have to take off Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah. I’ll work Christmas and Easter! What do I care?

Ultimately, with all this kvetching, I know I want better for my children (if I ever have any), or at least yours. I think we as a culture need to express that not everyone values the same holidays. It’s true we have many things that are flawed about our society, cultural awareness being one of them. I have not figured out how to solve the problem yet, but I am sure I can identify the scenario as it unfolded.

So for Jewish kid that sat upon Santa’s lap, but he never came…. For any Jewish kid who learned Christmas songs… For every Jewish kid who had to take a test in college on a Jewish holiday… For every kid who’s school took picture day on Yom Kippur….Remember, we can make a movement for cultural awareness, but we cannot be silent. One small stand at a time might make it easier for someone else.

Keep kickin’ it old shul and be true to the streets!

Yentapunker

Filed Under: Community Member Blogs, Rants Tagged With: convert to judaism, Counterculture, darshan yeshiva, holiday, Holidays, Jewish, Jews, Judaism, patrick "aleph" beaulier, patrick aleph, Punk, punktorah, rabbi beaulier, rabbi patrick aleph beaulier, rebel, Religion, Santa, Torah

Jews Love To Argue

April 7, 2010 By punktorah

Take an empty room and put two Jews in it. When they argue (and make no mistake, there will be an argument), you will hear a minimum of three opinions between them.

Why do Jews love to argue, and why does each of us take multiple perspectives on every issue?

Debaters (lawyers and politicians, when it comes to arguments, can be categorized as debaters) take up a position and argue that position, attempting to prove their singular point. He takes a stance.

A Jew, on the other hand, is not a debater. He is a thinker. I don’t need to cite from the liturgy to say this. I know this from my own experience in the Jewish community. We do not argue in order to make judgments, and though stubbornness is a quality many of us share, we embrace multiple perspectives. Hillel never called Shamai stupid or uneducated, because though they argued, they did not argue solely to prove a point.

Hillel taught that “one who does not study deserves to die” (Pirkei Avot 1:13). It is my contention that we study not to learn facts, to amass knowledge, or to be indoctrinated with Jewish values. The greatest rabbis, or Jews in general, were the thinkers: those who asked questions of the Torah, of the world, of their peers, and of themselves. They took up perspectives and did not isolate themselves in the cell of a singular ideology.

The next time you have an argument, watch what you say. Are you trying to prove something, or are you embracing the act of the thought process itself? Post your thoughts in the comment section below!

(This post is from our friend Daniel Lewis, a High School Senior out of Northern Cali. Thanks Daniel!)

 

Filed Under: Rants Tagged With: convert to judaism, convert to judaism online, darshan yeshiva, debate, Jewish, Jews, Judaism, online conversion, patrick "aleph" beaulier, patrick aleph, philosophy, Punk, punktorah, rabbi beaulier, rabbi patrick aleph beaulier, Religion, thought

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